Last Friday was amazing. The girlfriends and bf planned a belated birthday bash for me. Location: Cafe Del Mar, Sentosa.

That night I was sober. At least I think so. It was fun catching up with the rest of the girl gang. Missed spending time with them. It used to be so fun in SVC. Oh, and Nevan and Rob came down too. Thanks guys.

The previous Tuesday, went to Zirca (the new club that sits on the R.I.P MOS site). The place wasn't so bad. The china dancers were way better than the ang moh ones. That night I was wasted, cause I was puking in the cab on the way home and the next day I was nursing a very bad hangover at work throughout the whole day.

Went out with the BF today and went to catch the new show Quarantine. Stressful - YES! Storyline - hand it on a tree and let it dangle.

Out shopping after that. And I love the pair of ALDO shoes that he bought for himself. Gorgeous I tell you. And I received a Ripcurl Zoukout shirt and some stuff I love from La Senza.

Have always been in love with Ripcurl and La Senza. Not forgetting ALDO.

Thank you sayang.

10:14 PM

My menses cramp has been really bad today. Its still jabbing me from the inside and it hurts so bad. My mood has been sour. My back is aching. My body's heating up. And my head is spinning.

I still don't get why it has to hurt? Why can't it just let the blood flow without any cramps acting up? It's tough being a woman. Especially when you know your mood swings is going to take a toll on you. Darn.

Panadol doesn't seem to help this time round. But I am glad for one thing, that I'm on off today and I could suffer in the comforts of my own home. At least I don't have to go smiling all the way at work even though it hurts so bad.

I'm feeling boredom in the air. My off days doesn't seem to tally with anyone. Not with the BF. Not with Moon. Nor with Neen. Whenever is catch up gonna be?

And Neen is soooo cute. She just found out one word answers from me. Bet she's dying to hear more. See, that's a daym good reason for a catch up session. You are so behind time love. Need to get yourself updated.

Aniways, to both Moon and Neen, thanks for cheering me up. Though I still have no idea why I am feeling down. To know that you're there for me puts a smile on my face. I love you both. Even though I may not be there all the time. =D

Oh, and anonymous, you should really make yourself known cause I swear I have no idea who you are? What one to one session?

11:22 PM

So many things happened the past week. Things that got me worried and made me feel bad for not being able to be there for him. It's like i'm having bad vibes and i'm a jinx, if that really applies.

I keep telling myself that something good will come out of all these. But its a matter of time. My head has been hurting for the past few days. To a point where I couldn't be bothered to take any more panadol or painkillers cause its not good to be taking in on a daily basis. I've been there before, and it made me addicted to panadol.

It's hurting again now.It could be due to all the thinner we're inhaling at work. It's not a healthy workplace at the moment with so many constructions going on left, right, front, back. It's everywhere, circling us.

I've been ever so down these past few days. I have no idea what's wrong with me. And the nightmares are coming back. It has to be the thinner. Its getting to the head.

I need to cheer up.

12:52 AM

splitting.headache.too.many.thoughts.thinner.work.giddy.need.to.binge.cant.grow.fat.
pissed.stupid.brother.dont.know.to.charge.phone.after.use.FUCK.nx.time.dont.come.home.
punch.wall.bursting.empty.phonecalls.to.house.same.story.stupid.worseless.stepfather.
throat.hurts.cant.get.rid.of.excess.anger.need.focus.binge.binge.binge.cant.cant.cant.
hate.this.tmr.lock.door.no.idiot.brother.cant.mess.room.need.to.get.rid.of.all.this.
anger.need.work.head.hurts.throats.dry.vodka.anyone?

11:18 PM

Cross my heart
Oh
We say
Ooh

Cross my heart
Oh
I'll be

We got it all and we'd be fools to let it go
'Cause I need you more and more
You're my life and I live for your love that you give
And although my journey's long I'll soon be home

Oh
It's gonna be so hard on my own but I won't be alone

Cross my heart and tell no lies
No one's leaving you behind just because we said goodbye baby
Cross my heart I do believe
In my thoughts and in my dreams I'll be taking you with me baby

Sometimes I think that I can feel you breathing on me
You're there so deep inside
And I like what I feel though it's not always real
It helps me carry on 'til I come home

Oh
It's gonna be so hard on my own but I won't be alone

Cross my heart and tell no lies
No one's leaving you behind just because we said goodbye baby
Cross my heart I do believe
In my thoughts and in my dreams I'll be taking you with me baby

Dream a dream
A dream
A dream
A dreaming wherever you are you're near me

Please believe
Believe
Believe
Believe in whatever I say
I cross my heart

Cross my heart and tell no lies
No one's leaving you behind just because we said goodbye baby
Cross my heart I do believe
In my thoughts and in my dreams I'll be taking you with you me baby

Cross my heart and tell no lies
No one's leaving you behind just because we said goodbye baby
Cross my heart I do believe
In my thoughts and in my dreams I'll be taking you with you me baby

2:45 PM

I finally got to watch my HSM 3: Senior Year yesterday night. This has been overdue for like wayyyyy long. But it was nice of you to come down and accompany me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I have always love Disney's productions. Partly why I am in love with HSM is maybe due to the fact that I can relate to the journey the characters are going through. The other reasons is mainly because, I grew up with that and I have always loved Musicals, Theatre, the Arts and Drama.

Part of yesterday's show portrayed part of my journey and feelings on the big screen. It's very hard to keep it in hiding when its being splashed out widely in front of me. It is a bittersweet feeling. More of the kind when Harry Potter came to an end. There is no more sequels to it. You grow with the characters and you really get deep into it.

My fiction lovers out there will understand.

Next up will be Twilight. The series I am so in love with right now. Partly because it seems to be a substitute for my fiction cravings the moment Harry Potter ended. Oh, and not forgetting that Robert Pattinson, the male lead in the show, is oh-so-gorgeously-HOT. He was the one who played Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter.

Talking about Harry Potter, I want to get me the first four books of the series in Adult Hardcover. But Borders is not selling them individually anymore. They are selling it in a whole set. The problem is, I do not need the whole set as I have the last three installations.

I should seriously go on a book therapy shopping at Borders. But not anytime soon. I am dead broke as of now. To a point where my bills will have to wait till next month to be paid. Jeez. I wonder where all my money went. Oh wells.

On another note, I am stuck on one S Club 7 song. I know what you guys are thinking. So old school right. S Club 7 was like way back then. Maybe I should place the lyrics in another post cause if I were to place it together with this post, it'll be goodness me long.

2:02 PM

wonderful times are coming to an end.

It won't come to an end. We won't let it. Its already killing me when i don't see you that much. I'm still adjusting. It used to be so good to get to work. There was always something hopeful to look forward too. I know how it feels. And i know you feel it too.

Guess that's just how life rolls. Doesn't seem fair does it?

Something at work totally got me down today. To a point where I could not hide the blackness of my face anymore. It was hard to act normal when your hopes been crushed. I was so looking forward to tomorrow. Shit happens. But this is not the first time.

Its the second time that the roster was changed suddenly. I'm not blaming anyone. People are bound to fall sick. It could happen to me. I could jeopardise other people's plans. It is so unfair that all these keeps happening to me.

*knocks head on wall**knocks head on wall**knocks head on wall**knocks head on wall*

1:47 AM

I'm not really myself today. There was nothing to do at home and no one to go out with. Been a bummer for the whole day. I don't feel too good either. I'm definitely in need of a new resolution. And that is to be on time.

Plus a bad dream that I had, my day din really start on the bright side. To think someone wanted to kill me. Don't ask. It's a dream, it's supposed to be weird. Oh wells.

I need mixers for my vodka. I have the need to drink again.

Spending time with Sri yesterday was great. It's been loooonnnngggg since we karaoked. Singing, croaking, screaming. Followed by shopping and slacking with the peeps at the SVC.

After which, we went over to Supper Club and I saw familiar faces. To think an extended family member is going out with a former school mate. It's a small world after all. *shit. there goes the song in my head*

Missing the rest of the girl gang. Fanni, Kaisah and Beveyy. All are busy with some other stuff in their life. Hopefully it'll be over soon and we can meet up and get wasted again.

Know how I have always planned my life way ahead of me, so I can get what I really want in life? Now, there are a few things that I really want. It will be hard to coordinate everything into place. Especially if I'm missing him this much. I'm wondering how I'm supposed to survive when I go for my degree.

But I want both in my life and I will find a way to make it blend.

P.S: HSM 3 anyone? and Madagascar 2? (I am such a kid)

5:54 PM

Feeling ever so restless now. Missing him so much even though I saw him last at 4.30am this morning. Halloween Night was fun.

I need my chain 'o's. Too bad there is no shops or stalls that are directly within my housing area. Being a lazy bump, I am just lazy to get out of the house and get me a pack.

Darn. I have no idea why but I don't feel too good. Maybe its the long days of rest from work. Tomorrow will be a same old day at work.

What happened to the times of fun that I used to have in school? I miss those days.

Working life is not that bad. It just gets very monotonous after a while. There's nothing forward to look to. Except for the time that I get to see him. That's something that always keeps me going.

The schedules not going to be friendly to us again this coming week. Gonna miss him so much more.

I have catch up sessions with so many others but its so hard to get together because of all the different timetables that we have. Some are in NS. Others are busy with school. And to the working class, work can be such a bore.

I am just randomizing this post aren't I. Maybe I have other stuff to talk about but it gets lost in translation.

9:48 PM