It seems like life just handed me a silver platter and whoosh it away from me again. It goes *zoom*. Like the waiter walks past and saw something more interesting and totally forgot about me.

UniSIM called me this afternoon. They were asking if I was still interested in the Bachelor of Arts Degree in International Hotel and Tourism Management. Like DUHHHHH!!! Of course I am interested. However, since I still don't see any ton loads of cash falling on my parade, I had to reject the offer. Yet again!

I feel so depressed now. But I take comfort in the fact that there are others out there who is going through the things I'm going through, if not worst.

But Neen is right, the time when I finally get that degree, it will be all worth it.

12:23 AM

Smiles all around and no one knows. This page is no longer safe. I feel bad for so many things. But I would do the same too. Pain gets unbearable at times but I'm holding on.

Work starting in another day. One last day of rest tomorrow. And a last day to catch Love Blossoms II and The Little Nyonya.

*knocks head on wall*

Need to get this out.

10:18 PM

Shoutout to Jyuneen:

LETS WATCH CATS THE MUSICAL!!!

11:31 AM

Zoukout was a blast. It was nice to have a small area to yourselves without mixing with the other thousands of thousands of party revelers.

Saw Sri and Zai and another friend from Sec school but I forgot the name. Hehez. The only problem I find with the whole event is getting in to the area cause it was such a slow moving traffic at the Sentosa Gateway.

Reached home at abt 6.30am in the morning. Coolness I tell you.

On another note, my leave just got extended by 2 days. Cause I am scheduled on OFF for today and tomorrow. I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but I can't wait to get back to work. It'll keep my mind occupied and I really need that.

Still feeling stressed.

11:26 AM

Terbentang luas samudera alam
Tampak tenang dalam kebiruan
Gelap sungguh keindahan malam
Degan kejora jauh bertaburan

Mungkinkah luas cinta dihati?
Atau sekadar gelora menghinggap.
Fatamorganaku yang diberi
Mungkinkah hilang ditelan kegerlapan?

Manusia sekadar manusia. Berbagai rencam. Tiada yang sama. Hatiku bak dihiris kaca retak beribu. Kejauhan tidak memberi ku ketenangan. Ianya seperti kegerlapan malam. Namun, tidak seindah ,malam kejora.

Dirasai diri seperti balak yang selalu jatuh menimpa hati. Namun, ianya tetap teguh walaupun hati retak beribu. Keganasan dunia sekadar cabaran yang harus dilalui. Seperti kehidupan seharian.

Hanya cinta hati yang membuat ku kukuh. Hanya itu yang masih menberi ku nafas walaupun diri ditenggelami lautan.

11:05 PM

Meeting Moon today was fun even though it was for that few hours. Talking and reminiscing about the past always cracks us up. Those times were great. Time passes by so fast and we graduate, and it gradually took time away from us. Its so difficult to meet up these days. Moon's going in to Police training - like FINALLY! After so many months of waiting. Neen is running at a totally different timezone from my schedule. And Sri's schedule does not seem to tally with mine.

Oh and I finally met Hafriz after a year of Moon and him being together. Hehez. Neen has yet to see him though. Hopefully the catch up session this coming Friday will happen. Its been too long since I last met my twin.

Rereading Twilight again. I need my dose of fiction and fantasy. Its also because the movie is coming out. And I need to refresh my memory of the book first before I catch the movie.

Moon and me talked about our other coursemates who are everywhere now. Contrary to what people say, most of us are actually doing something in the industry that we studied in. And one of them is in Swiss right now doing the course that I so much want to do.

I need to get myself focused. Its a lump sum every month aside. So many things that I need to cut down on. Lets start off with sustaining with cup noodles at work or not eating at all. It kills two birds with one stone, lose weight and saves money. Get my bills balanced again. And cut down on my expenses. Its going to be hard. I'm going to waste my youth away but its for the betterment of myself. These things I need to help myself cause no one else will chip in whenever it comes to money matters.

First up, my license. Then, that degree. If I really follow my heart, I'd really love to continue working while I'm studying the first 6 months here. Not so into the part-timing as I won't be able to make much. I'm thinking more on working still as a PA but doing the night shifts and going to school during the day. Yeah, I'm crazy like that. It's practically like killing myself.

At the moment, I can't think of any other choice. I still need cash to pay up the bills every month when I am in school. Oh, and the school expenses too.

Darn. Now I feel depressed.

Oh wells, I'll find a way to make it work. To make everything work. I went through the process of making the decisions on where to go and what to do for my further studies. Its the decision making process that kills you. After that, I just follow through.

If I'd learn anything in my 20 young years of life - is that I am stubborn. I always get what I want. People may say that I'm just spoilt but hey, its my life I'm living aren't I? I choose my path. No one else does.

*Talk to the hand*

10:32 PM

I've been seeing the BF every day since Monday. Well, except for today. It feels like last time, when we're at the same place together, where we will wait for each other and end up catching a movie or just catching up with each other.

Those days were fun. There's a good and a bad side to it though. Meeting him everyday will just make me miss him more when I don't get to see him. And I'm all alone today. The family went over to Malacca in celebration of Hari Raya Aidilahdha this coming Monday.

It's the end of the year of the year again and it shows how fast time flies. Another year and I am turning 21. WOW! That's all I can say.

Zoukout is 1 week away. Can't wait for it. My leave starts next Tuesday, can't wait for that either but I'll be bored to death if I have to stay at home for the whole time. Oh wells, we'll see what goes.

Missing him already.

9:46 PM