Meeting Moon yesterday was wonderful. We caught up with a lot of things that's been happening in our lives. And it was a lot of things. Except Neen wasn't there. So the reunion was not really complete but we made do. Maybe soon we will finally get to meet up - all three of us.

I'm not in my best mood today. Bills were opened and there seems to be a storm brewing. Pretty soon there is going to be an explosion yet again. I forked out closed to 300 for utilities bill so that it would go back to zero and mum can start from scratch again.

How can you be a head of the house but not take the responsibility of paying (maybe not all but part of) the bills? Seriously, if it was me, I would have felt pissed off at myself for not being able to provide for my family.

Seriously, I don't know if I can really save up for that degree. It hurts to see your dreams just disintegrate right in front of you.

Life's tough isn't it? But no matter what happens, I have to pull through.

I thought of going on a holiday sometime in the next few months. But I guess I won't be able to. I can't splurge my money like that. Looks like another month of cup noodles for me. Fuck care if its going to be unhealthy. Either that or I just go on a hunger strike.

Fucking pissed!

9:02 PM

It is 6am in the morning. And I am soon going to doze off. Need my sleep but not until I end work at 8.15am.

The BF is away to BKK for the long CNY wkend and will only be back on Wed. Which to me seems like a long time. But will pass fairly quickly.

Its amazing how when you have nothing better to do and you can't go to sleep (not because you don't want to, its more of because you can't), a lot of things are running through your mind.

Stupid useless worthless stepfather is telling lies again. Big bucks coming in my foot! I have been hearing that line ever since the day he step foot into that house.

And Mum is going crazy again with all her ramblings. She has this problem of hoping which she does not learn from. So when she hopes, in which we all know is a lie yet again, she will get crushed at the end of the day. And when she's stressed up, the whole house suffers from her incessant ramblings of what we know to be the truth in the first place.

Try debating with her is asking her why she puts up trust and hopes anyways, and her answer would be, if not she than who?

Well then, if that is the case, none of us wants to hear the incessant ramblings anyways do we?

So once again, nothing is being solved.

And at the end of the day, whatever I have put aside goes to naught. Eventhough I seem to eat Cup noodles or biscuits or nothing at all at work.

Unhealthy? I goddamned know about it. But that's the only way to sustain my lifestyle. Food glorious food = No shopping/Partying (or any other life for that matter). And for me to have the latter just means I can't have the former.

I'm just twisting everything around really. It's not that confusing.

But this all works for me coz not much food also equals to not much calories. I like the sound of that. Although I still think I need to start exercising.

For me to go Wakeboarding, in which I once used to love and still love, is impossible at this moment. It is too much an expensive sport for me to have. To have that means to sacrifice all other expenses.

Its fine. It was good while it lasted.

Lets just put it as pushing yourself to the limit. The more you cannot have it, the more you will persevere. *crosses fingers and hopes all goes well*

5:54 AM

I need to try to get to sleep. Starting work at 6am tmr. And after such long times that I have been in the afternoon shift, its gonna be hard waking up. Working morning is fun as the time passes by smoothly. Even though it can get hectic at times and not to mention getting hungry. Since breakfast is usually skipped and lunch can only e taken around 12noon when the midshift comes in. Thank goodness for Auntie Mui Eng and her goddamned wonderful omelettes.

My head is hurting for the 3rd day consecutively. No, there's no longer any thinner smell at work. Maybe its the menstrual cycle. It does crazy things to my body. And my mood for that matter. And it takes a toll on your body. You get tired and restless. Not to mention lifeless. Then again, you are losing blood.

Oh wells, I should really try to get to sleep. But there's a Christina Aquilera concert showing on TV as of this moment. Oh, and the Victoria's Secret fashion show earlier was spectacular. The Angels were so daym gorgeous.

Enough talkin and to sleep Pika!

Alritey. Fine already. Logging out now.

Toodles!

10:56 PM

I feel sad. And depressed. For what reasons? I don't really know.

Missing him again. When in fact we went out just yesterday. He has that effect on me. I love you.

11:04 PM