It is 6am in the morning. And I am soon going to doze off. Need my sleep but not until I end work at 8.15am.
The BF is away to BKK for the long CNY wkend and will only be back on Wed. Which to me seems like a long time. But will pass fairly quickly.
Its amazing how when you have nothing better to do and you can't go to sleep (not because you don't want to, its more of because you can't), a lot of things are running through your mind.
Stupid useless worthless stepfather is telling lies again. Big bucks coming in my foot! I have been hearing that line ever since the day he step foot into that house.
And Mum is going crazy again with all her ramblings. She has this problem of hoping which she does not learn from. So when she hopes, in which we all know is a lie yet again, she will get crushed at the end of the day. And when she's stressed up, the whole house suffers from her incessant ramblings of what we know to be the truth in the first place.
Try debating with her is asking her why she puts up trust and hopes anyways, and her answer would be, if not she than who?
Well then, if that is the case, none of us wants to hear the incessant ramblings anyways do we?
So once again, nothing is being solved.
And at the end of the day, whatever I have put aside goes to naught. Eventhough I seem to eat Cup noodles or biscuits or nothing at all at work.
Unhealthy? I goddamned know about it. But that's the only way to sustain my lifestyle. Food glorious food = No shopping/Partying (or any other life for that matter). And for me to have the latter just means I can't have the former.
I'm just twisting everything around really. It's not that confusing.
But this all works for me coz not much food also equals to not much calories. I like the sound of that. Although I still think I need to start exercising.
For me to go Wakeboarding, in which I once used to love and still love, is impossible at this moment. It is too much an expensive sport for me to have. To have that means to sacrifice all other expenses.
Its fine. It was good while it lasted.
Lets just put it as pushing yourself to the limit. The more you cannot have it, the more you will persevere. *crosses fingers and hopes all goes well*
