2 days of lacking sleep and it does nothing to me. Yes I get agitated at times. I get frustrated. But life goes on. Work continues. WTF! I'm so fucked up!
Try as I might, I get to doze off. But a few hours later I wake up staring blankly at the ceiling and the walls stares back at me. Tossing and turning doesn't help to put me back to sleep. Not even hugging bear-bear. Nothing does anything to me anymore.
Alcohol doesn't seem to help. Cough medicine did its wonders on the spot but wears off in a few hours and I am back to staring at my beloved walls. Sometimes I just feel like pulling my hair out and ripping my heart out.
Lack of rest is giving me respiratory problems. Darn asthma. Not helping either.
Might as well just crash and burn the system. That'll do good at least. At least I hope it will. Maybe the 8 consequent morning shifts will get me sleeping. If it doesn't, well all I can say is that it'll make me look like a zombie. Won't it.
I would love to associate this insomnia with the Craig David song. But the things I'm going through have nothing to do with the lyrics of that song.
Going home to share a bed with my maid cause the gramps are in town. N they're taking younger bro's room and younger bro's sleeping outside. So maid has to come in - in which I totally do not see the point.
I don't do well with sharing. My privacy is lost. I can't lol if I wanted too. Can't sing my hearts out if I wanted too. Can't watch tv till late if I wanted too. Can't cry if I wanted too. Basically I lose all sense of my life.
And judging at the rate I am going. Well yes I can see where this is heading.
Fucking pissed off at myself for all the troubles in the world. Big responsibility to carry all that trouble. Know what - fuck it. Don't even fucking ask cause I don't have the fucking answer.
I should this more often. Fuck everything upside down. Loving it. Hating me - all of me.
