I am sick and tired of all the drama in my life. Is it possible to sometimes hate your family too much. To a point where you are waiting for something big to happen, where you can walk out and leave.

If only I had a benefactor or a company nice enough to pay for my studies. Then the money I'm supposed to use can be used for other things, like loaning a house for example.

Time and time again, I'm paying for the mistakes that I did not do. For the poor budgeting that was not mine in the first place.

No matter how much I will start to give starting next year, it will never be sufficient. For one simple reason, they do not know how to allocate. Certain amounts for certain things. And certain things they cannot afford, they still want.

So there goes the problem, but if I say it out loud, it falls on deaf years.

Can I get a knife and stab it through my own heart, coz it's a classic case of "If I can't kill them, I'd rather do it to myself."

I've been sleeping and waking up and sleeping and waking up and the cycle continues. I cannot even get a proper rest. Plus with all the other reasons to make my life miserable, it just adds more pain.

But I can't show it can I? Coz when I do show it, I am told to smile and be happy. Might as well be happy in the first place, eventhough it is those kind of fake happy.

The only thing that makes my life worth it right now and the only thing that matters, is being with the one I love the most. Maybe that's why I'm missing the BF tons.

5:35 AM